Everyday, I wonder why I am traveling the path that I have taken. Everyday, I cry deep inside on how hard this road had been to me. Everyday, I asked myself it is is really worth it. Is it really worth it to walk on the road less traveled?
Last year, I helped envisioned an international forum where we aim to mainstream Sustainable Development and help our country and the youth realize the importance of going sustainable. The event had made a successful output but what they know it also torn me apart.
During that event I experience the realities of how counting on a pledge of a politician should not be taken as truth. Manny Villar, now a presidential candidate pledge to help our cause by giving financial support that in the end he did not honor and deliver.
I experience the corruption in the Philippine Amusement and Gaming Corporation (PAGCOR) were we are asked 25% commission if we want to receive bigger financial grant from PAGCOR.
I experienced the event being ignored by media because we have no gift checks and other financial giveaways if they will cover the event. Thanks to GMA 7 and Manila Bulletin for helping the event despite our status.
Anoher politician, now running for Vice President indeed help us a lot. The sad feeling though is I felt being treated like a beggar whenever asking for their help. They thought that because we needed their help they can just do anything to us.
In the end I have to pay more than 15,000pesos a month in debt because of an event which is not for me but for this country and its youth.
I am happy that we delivered a good event but that same event indeed caused me a lot of sorrow. I was even rumored to have benefited more than 250,000 from that event as circulated by a former friend, now running as Councilor in Quezon City. If I benefited from it why can't I even visit my kids in Quezon Province? If I benefited why can't I even provide for the needs of my kids? If I benefited why would I endure so much pain and suffering? If they think I did benefited then let them think all they want for they are the real losers in the end.
Despite what had happened I was never ever discouraged. It seems to have been the positive sentiment that I have carried since I run for Councilor of my hometown, Atimonan, Quezon in 2001. Despite losing that election I was determined to serve and be of purpose to my community and my country.
This year, I continue that fight. Fighting for the future of this country. Never faltering and enduring everything. Enduring lack of financial capability, enduring hunger and stress, enduring fatigue, and enduring mental and emotional distress.
I am writing this today as I ask myself what the hell are the people of this country thinking? Why would they trust someone like Manny Villar or even Noynoy Aquino? Can it be said that people's trust can now be bought?
Perhaps it is also true that in life we need to defend on ourselves. As the song goes, "I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadow. If I failed, if I succeed at least I stay as I believe. No matter what they think of me, they can't take away my dignity."
This is how I felt when I learned of Magdalo's decision to support Villar. A group I admired, a candidate (Sen. Trillanes) whom I had made a website and personally spent time and money to campaign which finally ending up limiting the battle to a personal battle against the present government and not the deeper battle to make this country better and its system work for the people.
It is hard to walk on the path less traveled.
I am poor despite how I look.
I am thinking of how I can even send my eldest son to high school.
I am ashamed that I can't even support my kids.
I am sad to feel that every time I ask for financial help it feels like I am different.
It's hard to remain strong so that others will be empowered.
It's hard to think differently when everybody else is thinking the same.
It's hard to be of service to your country when you are having problems serving your own family.
One of my favorite songs, Superman from Five for Fighting says, "It's not easy to be me."
It seems to be en endless battle with myself, my imperfections in trying to realize my real purpose and calling in this world.
Many times I have tried to move away from this path but each of that attempt just brought me back deeper into that same path.
I am not asking for anyone's sympathy nor understanding. I just want to share how I feel today.
I love the Philippines so much... I love my fellow Filipinos so much... that if given the chance to die for my country or its people I would gladly accept it.
This is me...
This is David Delano D'Angelo...
Living out to my ancestors legacy... the Delanos... and Charles Martel...
Trying to serve the purpose the Creator had given me.
Here is a song which depicts how I believe about life and my purpose... "I Am the Wind"
Thanks for reading...
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