Bored, Bold and Alone: I am an Open Book  

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

One Friday morning I was supposed to meet a friend and have a good time but eventually that friend decided not to go because there are more important things than me. I felt so bored that day and so alone. When I woke up I took some photos and reflect about the things in my life, the decisions I make and the priorities I have set. Eventually the photos I took reflects what I felt and who I am.

I am often misunderstood by people.  My temperament sometimes overtook my kindness and self.  I am very optimistic and positive that sometimes I forgot the negative things that might happen.  Yet, when I am sad and something bad happen I become very affected to the point that I become so disheartened and depressed.

When I turned 34 last year, I don't know why all of a sudden my life seems to have been so different.  I had been on a bumpy ride of major decisions and major problems one after the other.  There are lots of good things that happened in my life and yet there are things that made me feel the deepest pain yet in my entire life.

I am a person who knows how to sacrifice, endure pain and even sacrifice my own happiness for that of others.  Yet, sometimes people don't see that and what they see are very rare occasions when my bad and negative side gets the best of me.  I am very understanding to the point that people even my friends would think that it is okay to hurt me and that I will always understand them.

When I love, I love fully and most of the time I forgot to keep something for myself.  I will do anything for the person I love to the point of sacrificing my own happiness and yet most of the time the people I love will misunderstand me.  Whenever they get mad they will say the most painful words at me and most of the time I would tell myself how I wish I could also do that... but I can't.

I can no longer count the number of times I cried since my 34th birthday, they were just too many to even remember.  One thing I can be sure is that I have never cried that many times in just 8 months in my life.  During that month, the friends I trusted the most left me right after my birthday.  I was devastated for days but gladly I did recover.  During Christmas and New Year, people close to me decided to hurt me again and even on Father's Day it did happen... yet I keep on going... I kept on loving my friends and every single people in my life for they are very important to me.

The 2 photos in this blog post will surely earn some nasty remarks.  Honestly, these photos are just the reflection of who I am and who we all are.  I took the shots without malice.  This is who I am to the world.  I share how I feel, what I would like to do and who I am on a daily basis.  My life is an open book and thus I am often times nude to the world.  It is for you and every other single people to take me or leave me.  I have no pretensions and will never ever have until the day I die.

And about that one Friday morning... well it turned out to be one of the best memorable and insightful morning I would never ever forget.

Thanks for reading my long post ^_^V

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